The movie Shirley Valentine came out in 1989 based on the screenplay by Willy Russell from his play of the same title. For the unfamiliar, the story is about a middle aged housewife and mother of adult children, whose daily endeavour involves traipsing out to the shops for ingredients needed to cook her husband’s supper. A supper that varies only by the day of the week on an otherwise static weekly menu.
When Shirley deviates from the Thursday night supper of steak and instead serves her husband “chips and egg”, which he likes, but only on a Tuesday, his disdain is not directed to the meal served but at Shirley herself for changing the supper routine and digressing from what was expected. It’s a breaking point for Shirley. A culminating moment where she realizes she’s not leading the life she envisioned for herself and no longer recognizes the woman she has become. In that moment, as a result of her husband’s contempt, Shirley decides she is going to accept an invitation to go on holiday with her friend Jane and announces that she’s heading off to Greece.
I was 16 years old when I first watched Shirley Valentine, a film that is categorized in the genre of “British Rom-Com.” I didn’t find the movie particularly romantic or comedic, although it was full on “British” with that self-deprecating tongue-in-cheek banter that Brits do exceptionally well. Shirley Valentine depicted a 42 year old woman living the antithesis of a life I wanted for myself. My fervent, independent, feminist ideals were repulsed at the notion of being labelled a housewife, being tasked with cooking a very limited repertoire for an ingrate husband, let alone living for 4 decades and having never travelled internationally!
I did not want to be Shirley Valentine.
But then Shirley arrives in Greece and the movie changes dramatically. No longer is Shirley living her bleak, status-quo, stagnant existence in dreary grey England. There’s colour and brightness, and the change in scenery full of mediterranean blue is a literal makeover for Shirley and she begins to transform. But her transformation is not into a new woman – it’s back to the girl she used to be – a girl with a lust for life and youthful exuberance. She reveals to the camera that she has fallen in love with “the idea of living”. So when the holiday comes to an end and Shirley’s at the airport for her flight back to England, she decides not to leave, but to stay in Greece. This is not the end of the movie but it is the start of a new life for Shirley, the moment when she starts to live authentically in technicolour.
I did want to be Shirley Valentine.
Fast forward 30 years and now I’m a middle-aged woman. And although I do enjoy eggs (minus the chips) for supper at least once a week, I didn’t become a housewife, in fact I’m no longer even a wife. I don’t have adult children because I didn’t have children and instead opted to pursue higher education and a corporate career. I spend my spare time with outdoor adventures – hiking, biking, kayaking or golfing, while reserving quality time to spend with friends and family. My activities are usually experienced with my camera in hand – to capture the moments and hone my photography skills. I see life differently from behind the lens – I can see the details or get a different perspective – it leaves me feeling inspired, awed and humbled. These feelings are amplified when I apply my love for photography while simultaneously indulging my passion for travel.
I travel extensively to exotic, remote and sometimes more traditional places, and it’s those moments when travelling that I, like Shirley, am transformed.
Physiologically, the changes in me are palpable: I feel any tightness in my face release – places that I didn’t even realize were tense; my chest automatically expands and my lungs can finally take in a full breath; my heart feels more buoyant; I sleep uninterrupted without waking intermittently with worries or fretting about to-do lists; and overall my temperament improves. I, like Shirley, revert to “that girl who used to be me” – lighthearted, relaxed, easygoing, free-spirited, nonchalant, undemanding, and good-humoured.
When I travel, I’m the best version of myself, I really like “travelling me.” She’s great! And although I often travel solo, those that have accompanied me or strangers I have met on my travels would concur with my self perception. Beyond how I feel while travelling, it’s remarkable how I look, I genuinely look better, full of life, sparkle in my eyes, and dare I say, I look completely content. I try to keep a hold of that girl when I return to my “normal life”, take my time to go through photos to be moved back into those moments, chill, breathe deep, do things that inspire me, and let go of the angst. Yet, despite my best efforts, that girl fades fast and eventually I’m back to following the pattern of daily life that doesn’t quite fuel me or fill me in that same way. I return to following my routine, and although it’s a life routine significantly different from Shirley’s, it’s no less of a routine.
And why do I return to the routine? Well, Shirley said it: “Because we don't do what we want to do, do we? We do what we have to do and pretend that it's what we want to do.”
There is a line in the movie when Shirley is sitting by the sea in Greece drinking her wine and clearly reflecting on her life. “Why do we get all this life if we don't ever use it? Why do we get all these feelings and dreams and hopes if we don't ever use them?”. This line never fails to lodge a lump in my throat and bring tears to my eyes. It strikes at the very heart of why I continue to be impacted by this movie and the reason I’ve seen the movie countless times.
For me this movie is not about moving to Greece or any other country for that matter. It’s about being brave enough to change the routine, change the circumstances, change your life to permit your best self to be more present. Being brave enough to make that change despite the anticipated criticism of being judged as self-indulgent, selfish, and self-absorbed. Knowing that you may be disappointing or impacting those who depend on your reliability and steadfastness, essentially how their life looks like in your routine.
I’m not yet brave enough to be Shirley Valentine. I need to truly affirm what it is that I “want to do” before abandoning what I “have to do.” But I’m getting close. And until then, this movie reminds me that while I have a life to live, I still have time to be Shirley Valentine.